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The company you keep

3/29/2014

5 Comments

 
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From growing up in America, and having been left by my parents – one even left after a few years of my childhood – and the typical heart-wrenching break ups, and even having had “friends” totally backstab me, I thought the world was a mean and dark place. But the more I travel and the more I experience what all the world has to offer, and who all calls earth home, I’ve began to realize that the world isn’t such an awful place. On the contrary, most of the people I’ve met throughout my travels have been good, warmhearted, and tender individuals, who are curious about you and (usually) want nothing more than to do what they can in your life, no matter how minuscule that may be.
I know that people in the USA aren’t the only ones who have to deal with shady, selfish, awful people, by all means, there are plenty of horrible criminals out there in the world, but I do think that when you look at the general nature of the people from certain lands, you have to accept the bad with the good, like anything else. From growing up in America and traveling the world for several years now, I believe I’ve began to gravitate towards the opinion that just like in dating, you have to date a handful of creeps and users, before you know exactly who your true friends are.

A true friend is someone who has your back no matter the situation, and no matter the cost to them, yet they know you have theirs as well. A true friend is a person who knows everything about you, yet the conversation never ceases. A true friend is like-minded, but different enough, almost like a sibling, but by extension. A true friend will not break your heart by stabbing you in the back, a true friend will stab you in the front – which means that they will tell you how it is, and tell you what you need to hear, rather than what you want to hear.

I’ve met MORE than my fair share of seriously awful and selfish, uncaring people – I’m beyond jaded for it, and that is just something I’m working through. I’m easily skeptical of people nowadays, because of these negative experiences. I’ve even had run-ins with awful people in my family – people that I thought were the salt of the earth, family until death and beyond – but sadly, I was mistaken, in a horrifying fashion.

The sad truth is – at least it is for where I’m from – that the more westernized a person is, the odds are that selfish tendencies and even, perhaps ulterior motives are more frequent. That is not to say that all westernized people are bad, or malevolent, it’s a simple fact, from my own experience. I should also point out that I am no better than someone who has done something bad to someone, or someone how has let a friend down – I’ve done it, and I know that I’ve molded certain situations to fit my own agenda before, but that is something that I’ve worked upon greatly over the past few years. I’m not perfect, but who is? But I can say that I do quite a bit of ogling and questioning toward myself, for without that time of reflection and analyzation, I would get lost in the world, fending for myself, alone, forevermore. It’s a scary thought, and I’m not interested in being alone, nor being remembered as a selfish, bullheaded, horrible git once I’ve passed on. I’d rather be remembered for my generosity, compassion, and love for living life to the fullest.

Another point is that ‘friends’ who complicate your life and bring you down don’t HAVE to be in your life. It is entirely up to you to cut ties with individuals who are consistently negative, or who are always getting into trouble. There’s a difference between a positive relationship that helps you, supports you, and builds you up, than a relationship that always feels like a burden. And I’d like to state that you’re not a horrible person for separating these negatively influential people in your life – you should never keep anyone in your life that has that effect on you. I recently cut ties with someone who was a dear friend of mine for over five years, because he didn’t appreciate our friendship, or anything I did for him. It is sad, but sometimes no matter what you do, you can’t force things to be one way, when they’re simply not. My friend even went as far as to take out all of his life’s frustrations on me, by saying awful things, and by calling me names. I took it in stride, and I didn’t respond with a big backlash of negativity – I took some time to considered the situation for a few days, and once I realized that my attempts were for not, I walked away by putting an end to the whole ordeal. It’s rough when things like that happen, but I’ve found that life is just too damn short to let negative experiences and apathetic people tear you down.

I would love to know your thoughts upon the subject – please feel free to comment below. Have you ever had to cut ties with someone who was once quite dear to you?

(Photo by eioua via Flickr, edited)
5 Comments
Ian Phillips
3/30/2014 12:38:58 am

Brandon, I feel the same but have had more decades to feel it. I recently had a friendship die on me and wondered maybe it was never a good one as it was not the age difference it was the feeling that I was different. You have to find people that accept you as you are.
You might try staying with a host family somewhere on your travels like I have done in Nicaragua and Costa Rica. The one I had in Costa Rica was the best part of that trip.
On my last day in Nicaragua I had the chance to see that some of the effort I put into new relationships was actually appreciated. They are not friends but could become so, just people who show me that I am ok and have something to give. It made me want to go back and thus that is where I will be this Christmas.
Always search for the quality not quantity, do you want one true friend or several acquaintances.
Whatever happens in your life Brandon, you have chosen to challenge yourself to live rather than exist and in the end that will always make you a better person.

Reply
Ben
3/30/2014 05:06:48 pm

I notice that as I move through my 20's that there are friends who grow up with you, and some who don't. I wouldn't say that I cut ties with certain people, I see it in the light that they push themselves out. If I have a close friend who has no responsibility it becomes increasingly difficult and burdensome to hang out with these people. I think that by not moving forward, these once close friends push themselves out by making it difficult to be friends with, or deal with.

From this point of view, my friends fit into a nice Venn diagram. On one side are the friends who share strong commonality in personality and character, and on the other side, are the ones I am friends with just because we grew up together through some experience or many. The best part is that some of my closest friends happen to fall in the overlapping center, the worst part is that some friends start to drift out of the center and more to the latter side. It is a very difficult situation to manage and make great decisions on most the time, I would be interested to hear how other people have managed drifting friendships.

Reply
urbanfiya
3/30/2014 09:12:09 pm

I completely have had to cut ties with flesh and blood as well as the pretenders as I call them. You know folks who pretend to have your back, pretend to care and allvthe while there is a dark, hidden agenda. I just chuck it all up to life experiences and learning lessons so that wisdom can set in. I'd rather fall then never fall and continuously tripping over and over again. And like you, I'm not perfect either but my aim in life is not to do anything to anyone that I would not want them to do to me. We also have to keep in mind that some relationships re toxic, point blank period and misery loves company. As Dr. Maya Angelou says, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Reply
Hanse Khubu link
4/11/2014 05:24:49 pm

Well, I consider all are Good.. all are equal ..! friends, true friends, best friends all are same... its just with some you feel more joyful.
Back stabbing is human tendency...
Though I know my words are foolish and make no sense ... But you are right! #life_isFUn

Keep exploring and updating ..!

Reply
Ellen Hawley link
7/6/2014 04:57:54 pm

It sounds like your former friend's reaction tells you everything you need to know about the problems in the friendship. It's up to us, all of us, to be open to other people, but also to protect ourselves. It's just not possible to love everyone.

Reply



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