My shoulders are quivering and I honestly don’t know if I’m making the right decision now - some days are painless, full of planning and baby steps in the right direction - others are pitfalled and monopolized with thoughts of missing. Missing, even though I’ve not lost what I fear that I may. A move, a change; it’s what I need - I know, though with reminiscence, alone in solitude, surrounded in all that I’ve known - before it is whisked away; in this, I feel the great depth of loss. A loss that I have expected to feel, but barely; probably once I’ve already hit the road to far away places, still unknown.
So why now am I caught up in this tumultuous onslaught? Is it my neuroticism working to alleviate the pain, now that there’s time to work through it? Rather than later, when I’m overwhelmed with it all, with all that living through this literal chaos of change will bring... I know not. But I do question it, examining everything with seemingly unneeded weight - I can’t help it. Is this a sign to stay? Perhaps, only time will tell - or with more whiskey, yes.