Eye & Pen: Lifestyle, Travel, Photography and Literature
  • Main
  • Blog
  • Topics
    • Accommodations
    • Bucket List
    • Cheap Travel
    • Culture
    • Essay
    • Destinations
    • Inspiration
    • Interviews
    • Narratives
    • Personal
    • Photography
    • Restaurants
    • Reviews
    • Safe Travel
    • Travel Planning
    • Trip Update
    • Weekly Wanderlust
  • Photo Gallery
    • Photo Gallery – All Places
    • Photo Gallery – Aruba
    • Photo Gallery – England
    • Photo Gallery – Europe
    • Photo Gallery – Iceland
    • Photo Gallery – Ireland
    • Photo Gallery – Italy
    • Photo Gallery – Northern Ireland
    • Photo Gallery – Other
    • Photo Gallery – Scotland
    • Photo Gallery – USA
  • Services
    • Blog Coaching
    • Graphic Design
    • Hire Brandon
    • Advertising
  • About Brandon
  • Contact

Up-in-the-air, part one: the girl

7/17/2012

0 Comments

 
Picture
     A harsh light peaks through the window and into my eyes - the orangish hew of the night preceding. Blinding, even. Yet, another smoke, a wine flavored black and a whisky, scotch this time; to entertain me as time slows down and my focus wavers between the interesting smoke lingering from the end of the tip conjoined with unfocused thoughts; pensive and on the tip of my brow.
     Since I’ve decided that leaving was a real option for me, I’ve been taking small steps in that direction - working to save the money I need to have backed up and striving to have all my affairs in order by the date I’ve set in my head. Everything’s been so up-in-the-air lately, every little thing - my job, my relationship and all personal sense of normality. My relationship has been the most trying, for myself though.

     I’ve recently found myself falling for someone, sort of, and much like the thoughts of missing from the other night, I’m replaying all of the memorable parts in my head - and I can’t deny she had something to do with the contemplation from that day as well. With the intent of forgetting when finished, soon enough I hoped, so I will never have to replay them again - but secretly, I hoped to live many more moments like these. I don’t really wish to forget them, by any means - but the ache of knowing they will never happen again may be more than I can bare for a while. I, of course, appreciate what was there, or maybe now, what once was there - but what if it may never be there again for us, in the future?
     That relationship or whatever it was, also up-in-the-air, has been dwindling into a weird unknowing certainty - but now, I’m seeing the certainty, I deserve better than bipolar day to day, ins and outs - followed by future uncertainty. Though, I wish there would be something more, something from my dreams confirmed - that, perhaps I would find true love and not ever regret staying for her. So unfortunate, for today, as it marked the day that months of quandary had culminated - to aspire to, where I had been forced to the final threshold, where setting an ultimatum to myself - get in or move on.
     She’s been something very special to me - but as certain as uncertainty goes, she never knows what she wants and never coincides with her emotions - not to anyone. So, ever knowing where things lie is a mystery; possibly great enough to stump the most accomplished wiseman. Though, today, of all days, with an ultimatum in mind and a much-needed conversation, she faltered from her own great self-lie and finally let herself begin to feel. It should not be a moment of glory, maybe I should not feel proud - but she finally seems to be letting herself realize what she’s about to lose. The old, cliche saying, “you never know what you have, until it’s gone,” rings true in this scenario.
     It’s a foul game, fate plays - unlike other flirtatious times before this, I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, the reason of her coming into my life. I usually can pinpoint a reason to why fate sent that person to me; either for me to help her or for her to help me - but it’s always to move on to something else or to improve a certain part of one’s life which only help from another can seem to provide. In this case, I’m confounded. She came into my life, just as sporadic and random as she may be seemingly leaving it - that is, if I leave.
     Now, I’m in a tougher spot than before our talks, but a sense of awareness - a knowing; finally, we know closer to where we both are in this. I know I should experience life and go, head in the direction that I’ve been seemingly gravitating toward the past few months - but I’m scared. I’m scared of losing what we have and what could be - although, is potential enough to settle? I feel like I’ve watched this tale unfold through films, hundreds of times. For example, in 17 Again, the main character is depressed and upset with his life for getting his girlfriend pregnant in high school and he settles down with her (of course), instead of following where his talents would lead him, whilst making true his dream of becoming a professional basketball player.
     So, again, I question... Should I stay or should I go?
     Like I said, everything is so up-in-the-air. My job is another story, for another time - as well as all my friends and family.
     Is this confusing situation going to pan itself out to be a growing experience? Will something good come of it all? Will I be able to be happy for the rest of my life - if I settle now? Sigh, then again... Why is something so new, effecting me so? Screw it - the answer is obvious: more whisky!
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Sign up for my VIP email list:

Picture
Picture

Article Topics

All
About Blogging
Accommodations
Bucket List
Cheap Travel
Culture
Destinations
Discussion
Entertainment
Environment
Essay
Fine Art Feature
Gear
General
Giveaway
Green Living
Guest Posts
Inspiration
Interviews
Lifestyle
Luxury
Narratives
Not Recommended
Other
Personal
Photography
Restaurants
Reviews
Safe Travel
Trip Planning
Trip Update
USA Road Trip
Video
Weekly Wanderlust

RSS Feed

Monthly Archive

November 2021
September 2021
May 2021
April 2021
March 2021
February 2021
January 2021
December 2020
October 2020
September 2020
August 2020
July 2020
June 2020
May 2020
April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
May 2018
April 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
October 2017
September 2017
August 2017
July 2017
June 2017
May 2017
April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017
December 2016
November 2016
October 2016
September 2016
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012
September 2012
August 2012
July 2012
June 2012
May 2012
April 2012
March 2012
February 2012

*Disclaimer: All blog posts featuring products, reviews, or suggestions for products or services are governed by our Disclosure. Products were received free to review, so to provide authentic opinions and content for our readers. The opinions and ideas in this post are the writer's own and are uninfluenced by any other person or business. We receive no compensation for product reviews. Links within non-product review posts may be sponsored.
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.