It was a suffocating, dark night, accompanied by muffled city silence - which surrounded us on a secluded empty patio of a bar in the arts district of the city. After months of futile effort to make a relationship work - and simultaneously fail - everything was culminating into the same empty nothingness where it ironically had started. I had realized the day before that I'd lost my family and in an unbalanced move, I attempted to finally have her accept what we really were - perhaps out of my own selfish need to feel like someone cared. Or maybe I was just over the up and downs; the roller coaster ride of uncertainty; the daily anguish. But since we'd never figured it out officially, I knew I couldn't fake it anymore. I hadn't been fully happy with her for months - because I’d always wanted more.
It was a long, drawn out talk of unsteady, slow-moving words; a conversation where I finally revealed my secret - I had fallen for her months ago. Isn't that so damned cliche? Just like a movie. Insert big, drawn out sigh here.
It was a long, drawn out talk of unsteady, slow-moving words; a conversation where I finally revealed my secret - I had fallen for her months ago. Isn't that so damned cliche? Just like a movie. Insert big, drawn out sigh here.
She cared a 'great deal for me,' she had pleaded. But she couldn't give me what I wanted. I'd lived through this pathetic story before, and I know how it always plays out. I deserved better than to put myself into something 110% and only receive 30% in return.
So it's time to escape now, while I still can - with as few scars as possible.
When I was younger, I dated a girl for nearly 5 years off and on, with a similar stretch that lasted 3 years toward the end of the relationship. She was a good girl who loved me with all her heart, but I was too immature to appreciate it - maybe too caught up in the fame of being in a band or starting to get a real eye for my photography - I entirely let my work take over all of my attention and she couldn’t handle that, understandably. Perhaps this is the same case here for her; or maybe it's karma heartlessly paying me back for what I had done to her.
Nevertheless, when I realized it had to be over, I kissed her forehead as I heard footsteps approaching. She asked me not to go, not to end it like this. I grabbed her playfully by her hair, pulling her toward me as I kissed her with all my adoration - before turning to walk away. She didn't say a word as I left. I could only keep my composure long enough to tip the barman and run across the city street full of traffic. My eyes released a gushing waterworks of despair, as I fell against a neighboring building - unable to continue walking toward my car.
Working through hyperventilation and heaving breaths that only subsided by the time I reached my car and was sitting alone, I began to feel a keen, overwhelming feeling of loss and profound loneliness. No family. No girl. Only a couple friends I'll miss when I'm gone. Leaving can only come too soon.
So, I suppose you could say there's not a whole lot that’s up-in-the-air anymore.
So it's time to escape now, while I still can - with as few scars as possible.
When I was younger, I dated a girl for nearly 5 years off and on, with a similar stretch that lasted 3 years toward the end of the relationship. She was a good girl who loved me with all her heart, but I was too immature to appreciate it - maybe too caught up in the fame of being in a band or starting to get a real eye for my photography - I entirely let my work take over all of my attention and she couldn’t handle that, understandably. Perhaps this is the same case here for her; or maybe it's karma heartlessly paying me back for what I had done to her.
Nevertheless, when I realized it had to be over, I kissed her forehead as I heard footsteps approaching. She asked me not to go, not to end it like this. I grabbed her playfully by her hair, pulling her toward me as I kissed her with all my adoration - before turning to walk away. She didn't say a word as I left. I could only keep my composure long enough to tip the barman and run across the city street full of traffic. My eyes released a gushing waterworks of despair, as I fell against a neighboring building - unable to continue walking toward my car.
Working through hyperventilation and heaving breaths that only subsided by the time I reached my car and was sitting alone, I began to feel a keen, overwhelming feeling of loss and profound loneliness. No family. No girl. Only a couple friends I'll miss when I'm gone. Leaving can only come too soon.
So, I suppose you could say there's not a whole lot that’s up-in-the-air anymore.
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